Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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