I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
