you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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