booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
