We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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