why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
