Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
this is an emotional support booty call
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
