I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
