Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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