I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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