Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
