You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
