Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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