Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
