I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
