We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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