HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
