Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
