so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
