sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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