Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
