He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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