BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
