He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
