he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
a search helicopter?!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
