honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
