you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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