Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
