I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
