Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
