i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
