I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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