The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
