I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
