So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
