you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
