the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
