Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
