I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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