You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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