Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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