Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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