My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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