remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's shark week go big or go home
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
