Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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