if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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