My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
