You just made me feel so damn special
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
