I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
