Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I cut my penus on the lid.
my shit smells like andre
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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