just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
