So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
