Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
