another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
