1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
