I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
