Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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