I just cut my nipple shaving
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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